De-Weaponizing Honest Conversations

Here at Cascade Employers Association we enjoy making up words almost as much as we enjoy teaching team best practices. As far as my brief internet search revealed, de-weaponizing is not a currently accepted word.

But, nonetheless, stick with me for a minute.

For years we have been applying models in our leadership trainings of direct and honest communication with the intent of improving workplace collaboration. Radical Candor, Collaborative Problem Solving, Courageous Conversations. You may have seen these models that outline a direct and honest approach for giving feedback. We use words like brave, bold, dynamic, and tough.

My intent here, in this short piece, is not to deconstruct these approaches. They work. Sometimes really well. However, here and there, they become, perhaps with all sorts of good intention, a weapon. Like any sharp tool, we would hope that there is a safety course that teaches how the tool can be used for good and how the edges might become something that brings about an unintended and harmful outcome.

Here are a few examples of how we sometimes misapply (I think this is a word) the models and create negative ripples; more harm than good:

• CALLING OUT—THEN DISENGAGING - Having mustered up the courage to engage on a radical candor level, we sweep in, give the feedback then retreat to the hills. Hint: Try calling-in with support and continued engagement.
• TELLING THE “TRUTH” - When the truth is only our narrow, judgmental labeling of a person or behavior. Hint: Check that your feedback serves the team, the individual, is helpful, necessary, inspiring and kind along with being the truth.
• SCORECARDING - The pattern here is saving up a whole bunch of previously unspoken concerns to cash in one day in a barrage of “honest” feedback. Hint: Develop a “See It-Say It” reflex.
• FOCUS ON ONE TEAM MEMBER - Not unlike SCORECARDING, a newly-empowered Courageous Conversation convert finds the one person most “guilty” of poor communication or soft-peddling and calls them out for not being on board with the more direct-conversation culture we are trying to develop. Hint: Invite team participation in multi-way feedback.

I think we should not judge these dynamics, but rather understand them as evolutionary artifacts begging for a new, intentional-and-informed skill set and begging for a new ready-for-action work culture.

Is COVID, or some other fatigue driver, contributing to this?  We love to hear your stories around communication challenges or successes. Please let us know what is working for you.