Become a More Empathetic Leader

Are you familiar with the adage that employees should "leave their personal lives at the door" when they come to work?  The general idea is that this is a place of business and personal issues do not belong here.  But seeing that humans are living, breathing, and feeling life forms that exist in more than one dimension, life can get pretty messy sometimes.  Stress is part of life and employees will inevitably face personal challenges that could negatively impact their productivity, focus, and even attitude at work.  As leaders, we must be better prepared to address these challenges and provide support and assistance while still holding employees accountable for their performance. 

What is empathy?  Empathy is the ability to listen to another human without judgment.  Further, it is the ability to acknowledge the challenges of that person, preferably without comment, while they speak.  It is accepting that whatever the person says whether you agree or not, is that person's truth and current reality.  It is resisting the urge to impose your own emotions, values, experiences, and opinions on them when you respond.  Demonstrating empathy is not always easy.  It is often tempting to offer a different perspective or, as Brene Brown says, "silver lining" the situation to show that things could always be worse.  We may have the best of intentions when offering what we see as words of hope, but the impact is often quite the opposite.  This type of response can damage trust and hurt the relationship you have built with that person.

What do we do as leaders when a member of our team approaches us with a personal challenge they are facing?  It is important to offer a safe space for the individual to share their experiences.  Listen and acknowledge that individual's pain and avoid statements that project pity or sympathy for them.  Recognizing that your experiences and pain are not the same as that of others will help you navigate these difficult conversations.  It is so instinctual to want to help solve another person's problems.  Often, this is not what someone who is experiencing challenges needs.  They seek understanding and support and an acknowledgement of their pain.  In many cases, simply listening without offering any comments or advice is the best response.  Many employers offer employee assistance programs that you can refer them to when additional assistance is required.

Does this mean that we cannot hold employees who are experiencing personal challenges accountable?  Absolutely not!  While it may be possible to offer some flexibility when employees are struggling, demonstrating empathy does not absolve employees from doing their jobs and meeting their goals and obligations.  It is a way to connect with them on a human level and support them as they navigate their way through the challenge and meet the expectations of their position.  The key word being “expectations” since, as a leader, you are responsible for establishing and reinforcing expectations consistently with all members of your team.  By demonstrating empathy, you show members of your team that you truly care about them and their success which allows you to connect with them on a more emotional level and continue to build trust.